Friday, January 3, 2003, 10:45 p.m.:
...
Christ, I'm such a pussy, but hey, on the plus side, it might be quiz time again, y'know, gotta reassert my masculinity! *hunches over and plods away sobbing*
What Final Fantasy summon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Sunday, December 15, 2002, 09:29 a.m.:
Lawful good?! Meh.
I Am A: Lawful Good Elf Mage Cleric
Alignment:
Lawful Good characters are the epitome of all that is just and good. They believe in order and governments that work for the benefit of all, and generally do not mind doing direct work to further their beliefs.
Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.
Primary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.
Secondary Class:
Clerics are the voices of their God/desses on Earth. They perform the work of their deity, but this doesn't mean that they preach to a congregation all their lives. If their deity needs something done, they will do it, and can call upon that deity's power to accomplish their goals.
Deity:
Mystra is the Neutral Good goddess of magic. She is also known as the Lady of Mysteries. Followers of Mystra wear armor and carry shields with her symbol on them. Mystra's symbol is a ring of stars.
Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan (e-mail)
Friday, September 13, 2002, 06:33 p.m.:
Apparently...
So, children, the one thing I've learned this week: Christopher Masuru Sanders, is a booty whore, and a snuggle bitch. That is all.
Wednesday, September 11, 2002, 09:17 p.m.:
Ecoutez-moi.
And there, within the darkness did the silence speak, for the man, seated as he was, upon his bed, in the center of the room, did, a stirring, hear. To the darkness he called for whom it was that intruded so upon the thoughts of which he was speaking, whose darkness eclipsed even that within which he now sat. He opened his eyes to the darkness, and wondered if his eyes truly were open, and blinked, and was certain that his eyes were open, and that if there was anything standing within the darkness, anything standing within the faint light which the moon so rudly cast down onto him, he would be aware of it. Again, sound, yet this time accompanied by motion, by movement, by a soft shadow of white as his door found itself pushed gently open along its hinges. He hunched down slightly against his bed, his shoulders drawn in, his legs tensed, ready for whatever threat this intruder posed. He drew in his breath, feeling his lungs fill with the soft, cold darkness that filled his room, and held it. Held the darkness within him, such that if this intruder did cast light against him, he would still be able to know that he was protecting some piece of it within him, that there was inside him something that the light would be unable to reach. The door stood full open, and against the soft moon a shadow was cast, a person, standing straight, not moving, waiting, watching, seeing if their intrusion had stirred the sleeper. If their intrustion had awakened that which lay within the room. That which they had heard spoken of, that which they found themselves unable to believe existed, yet still, in the back of their mind, feared did. And softly did it pad into the room, turning, looking over its shoulder into the hall, and in a moment of resolve, did it close the door behind it, such that it, and it alone, was placed within this room, within this darkness, with whatever it was that shared the space with it. With whatever it was that shared its breath with, with whatever it is that felt this darkness as well. Feeling, rather that seeing, it approached the bed, and the man did not stir, the man waited, still like the darkness within him. His eyes, accustumed to the darkness as they were, watching this figure who walked toward him. He could feel its breath. He could feel its fear, its uncertainty, and he delighted in that. So rare was it that he was to have a visitor, so wonderful that he was to be offered such emotion. And so he waited, and when the intruder placed itself at the foot of his bed, still, he did not stir. And when the intruder reached a hand out, and let it begin to walk itself across the bed top, searching for that which it hoped did not exist, he began to worry. For what if this intruder wished to break him of his comfort. What if this intruder wished to snatch him from this place that was his, that wished to take this darkness that was his, that wished to take from him the darkness he protected within himself. What if this intruder learned that which he truly was, what if this intruder saw that which was in him, that was protected by the darkness. Yes. This intruder is as all intruders. This intruder wishes to destroy him. This intruder wishes to break him. This intruder wishes to stand fast through the darkness, thus they may strike at the light. And when the hand reaching acros the bed reached his, and he felt its soft warmth slide over his hand, taking the cold from out of him, he drew back.
"I wish to help you." its voice to his ears did it proclaim. He drew back against the wall, his eyes not leaving this, intruder.
"You can not help me."
"Why can I not help you?" the intruder was growing bold. It thought to question him within his own domain, where it could not even see, where it could not even feel that which he did not wish it to feel.
"You can not help me, for you, you do not know me."
"Then I wish to know you."
"You may not know me."
"Why may I not know you?" the intruder stood, and held its breath, listening, feeling.
But the man was not to be found, and the intruder, defeated, sighed softly, and left the room, closing the door behind it. The man smiled to himself, and retured to his bed, and sat, and leaned back his head, and laughed to the darkness.
Thursday, July 25, 2002, 10:09 p.m.:
Everything Must Go!
*The following is a paid advertisment by Super Villan Now! and in no way reflects the views of KBHK TV 44*
::cues music::
Crazy looking Guy #1: "I tried it, and look at me now!"
::Pan out shot from CLG#1 looking out the window of the top floor of a big important looking office building::
Crazy Looking Guy #2: "I used to think I was sub-par, that I couldn't ever do anything, get anywhere, boy was I wrong,
"Captain Brian's products sure turned my life around! Thanks Captain Brian!"
::shot of me sitting in a chair at on a hawai'n looking beach, palm trees, coconuts, the works::
Me: Hey there folks, I'm Captain Brian, here to show you the wonders of my new program. It's already helped thousands of people around the world, who knows, maybe it could help you to!
If you're like I was, and let's face it, most of you are, you're probably sitting at home, moping about how boring life is, and how those stupid girls in the short skirts and stupid magic jewerly are always messing up your plans..."
::shot of a guy pouting in a beat up old easy chair with his chin in his hands::
Guy: "Stupid girls in short skirts and stupid magic jewelry always messing up my plans."
Me: "Or how, just when you think you've won, your arch-rivals girlfriend comes in and cries on his dead body, bringing him back to life to kick your ass."
::shot of a guy leaning against a pole in the middle of a street on a rainy night::
Guy:"Stupid girlfriend always bringing him back to life...*sniffle*"
Me:"Sure there are plenty of solutions out there on the 'internet' about how you should just shoot the girlfriend, or not gloat to her as she's crying over his body, but lets face it, if you have to shoot her, or if you can't gloat, there's no point, am I right?"
Studio Audience: "SET IT AND FORGET IT!"
Me: "See, now you've got it, that's right, there is no point, because when super-villaning loses its fun, it loses its point."
::Turns to face camera on his left::
Me: "Now, you're probably thinking to yourself, 'But Captain Brian, there's no way we can ever win, being a super-villan sucks! We never get the girl, we never get the money, we never get to even have a small victory! The hero always has an edge! No matter how many Joe-bots or snazz-wuffles I throw at them, no matter how many times I kill them, they just keep coming!!' at which point I need to say 'WOOAAHH there cowboy, slow down' because I, my friends, have figured out what it is that they have that we don't."
::shot of audience on the edge of their seats::
Me: "The power of Love. That's right! It's that simple, they have the power of love, and it always gets in our way right?"
Audience: "SET IT AND FORGET IT!!!"
Me: "That's right, but I, my friends, have come up with the ultimate weapon, that not ever the power of love can beat, using technology mined from the depths of iceburgs in Alaska, and crafted from the finest tools you can buy in Chile by monkies trained by the best trainers you can threaten with knives to do stuff from Austrailia; I have named it the Corruption Assimalation Support Trans-dimensional Reconnassaince Archive Triangulation Ion Overdrive Nuculer Ray, or the C.A.S.T.R.A.T.I.O.N Ray for short. What this puppy does, is harness that self-same power of love and shoot it back at the hero, targeting the source of his love, and ripping them from his body! How much love would he have to give then, huh? Not much, that's how much, am I right?"
Audience: "SET IT AND FORGET IT!!!"
Me: "That's right. But don't take my word for it, let's hear from some satisfied customers."
::Reading Rainbow sound-bit::
Strange looking Frog creature with a big-ass needle on the tip of his tail: "When I first came to this puny planet, I thought it was going to be a breeze, a couple of punk kids, a sick smurf, that was it! But for some reason, I couldn't win, they kept beating me up! I'd kill one, and he'd come back! I couldn't understand, that's when I turned to Captain Brian's program. What did I have to lose, so I brougt it with me to the next fight, and as soon as they started screaming and yelling and getting all emotional, it powered right up! I aimed, and fired, and let me tell you, I know what his next wish on the Dragon Balls is going to be, and it won't be to bring that sack of turds Krillin back! Thank you C.A.S.T.R.A.T.I.O.N Ray!"
::Back to me in the studio::
Me: "Now I know what you're all thinking at home, 'Wow! I'd love to have one of these, but I know I can't afford something like this.' and you, my friend at home, would be wrong, dead wrong. What would you expect to pay for a wonderful piece of machinery like this? $5,000? $10,000? No way, $2,000? Nuh-uh. $1,000???!!?? Even lower! Today only, as a special offer to you, the home viewer, sorry audience, is this wonderful gun for only five hundred and ninty-nine dollars!! But that's not it!"
::shot of two women in the audience exchanging amazed looks::
Me: "For that $599 you not only get the ray, but a special video, showing you how to use the ray! It involves such points as,
::points show up next to me on the T.V as I tick them off::
Me: How to not shoot yourself, Proper Care of you Gun, How to Capture all 250 pokemon in Pokemon Gold/Silver/Crystal, and much MUCH more!"
Audience: "SET IT AND FORGET IT!!!"
Me: "That's right! Well, that's all the time I have friends, just remember, if you're having trouble with those pesky heros, just call your ol' friend Captain Brian, results are guarenteed!"
::Camera pans out, happy jingle plays::
Jingle:
"If the hero keeps coming back
No matter how many falls
Just take Captain Brian's gun
And shoot'm in the balls!
::sparkly ding noise, think precious Roy from Sifl and Olly::
Sunday, June 30, 2002, 09:56 p.m.:
A Parable
Once I was sitting upon the ground, in a clearing, in a quiet wood, reclining in the sun, and thinking upon life, as I was often found doing. As I sat, rolling questions over in my mind again and again, a small bird came, and lighted upon a branch, close by my head. I turned, “Good day little bird.” The small bird regarded me with its small black eyes and ruffled its feathers softly. “I have been sitting here, thinking, little bird, and perhaps you would be able to offer me counsel, as I am in most dire need of it, would you do such for me?” The small bird simply sat, and watched me. I shifted myself, such that I was facing the small bird, “Tell me, little bird, what is it to have purpose? What it is to have hope, and dream, what is it to have faith in a future?” The little bird shifted its weight from one leg to the other, still simply regarding me. I cleared my throat. “Well then, little bird, what of simple love? What can you tell me of love? Tell me, little bird, such that perhaps I may be able to understand what it is that drives people to be loved, that drives people to love, for I am terribly vexed by this notion.” The small bird cocked its head to one side and gave me a quizzical look. I sighed in frustration. “Little bird, perhaps, then, you would be able to shed some light upon a creature’s desire to touch and be touched by other things of substance and life. Tell me, little bird, why is it that one can feel lonely when they are surrounded by others?” The small bird stretched its wings and sat down low upon its legs, its unblinking eyes still upon me. I returned its gaze. “Little bird, then, tell me, what is it to be given to. What is it to not take everything that you need, and gain everything you want through thievery? Perhaps you would tell me such.” The small bird’s unblinking eyes, small black pearls, still gazed at me, piercing into my soul. I shifted under its gaze and again, cleared my throat. “Little bird, I have thought long and hard, and I have come to no solution, tell me, little bird, what is it that drives a person to be, that keeps them in existence. Why do people of no hope or faith continue to cling to existence?” And again, the small bird did not answer me. I began to become angry. “Little bird, I am afraid that you are of very little help to me, I sit here, and beg of you simple answers to what has been plaguing me, to what has kept me awake late nights, to what has held me still, dumbfounded, floundering like a child to understand, and you simply sit and offer me nothing in return, no counsel, and no simple support, what say you for yourself, little bird?” And the small bird simply tilted its head up, looking at me from down its beak. In my anger I grasped a stone near my hand, and flung it at the small bird, and struck it, driving it from its perch and onto the ground, where it lay, chirping pitifully, and flapping its broken wings in simple attempt to cling to the life that even now fled from its shattered mortal case. I rose, and towering over it, peering down upon it as it die, a smile slowly drawing upon my lips, and asked “Well then, tell me, little bird, what is it to die?” And the small bird, peering up at me through its still unblinking eyes, did not answer.
Wednesday, May 8, 2002, 09:15 p.m.:
Eye ahm an ARTEEST!
I have fan mail! ~I~ got fan mail! Woooooohooo! Yay me! I'm so stoked, I mean, I don't get ~any~ mail that isn't like "Free oral college" or "Oh baby I'm so wet for you" or "God this horse di.. never mind. So yeah! I'm so stoked, if you're wondering what I got the fan mail for, it's here, there being East of Sanity, which is Utopian Trunks' web page. To get to it just go to the contests link on the right side, then the WK dojin contest link...then the contest archive link, it's "A Tale of Two Yohji's". WARNING: It's Yaoi. Yaoi is japanese for stuff that involves guy on guy action. *waits* Yes so if the thing I got fan mail for is on that set one would deduce that the thing in question is yaoi. It is...but it's reallllly reallllly funny! And it's only got two panels of gay sex in it, and it's stick figures for christ's sake so get out of your cave and just enjoy it, even if you're not into the whole yaoi thing you should, and if you are, you ~really~ should, it's based on the WeiB(shutup I forgot the code to do it) Krueitz (and I can't spell, shut up!) universe, or Knight Hunters if you wish...*snicker*
Oh and if you're here from the dojin contest site link, Welcome! This is my blog, that's my chair, there's a pool over in the back if you feel like swimming, just watch out for the gerbil beans...go ahead and scroll down and read the rest of the crap I've written here, it's pretty much along the same vein as my Dojin, just not as yaoi...and just ignore the "I miss" entry, I was feeling pretty bummed out and I wrote that because I meant it, and my friends didn't respond to it which made me feel worse, well, not didn't respond to it, but I got a little "so what prompted that thing the other night" on the way out of flunking (FLUNKING! I got a 1 out of 45) a japanese test so I didn't really want to talk about it just then and the person never asked again and I have trouble just talking about myself and I guess she fulfilled whatever obligation she felt she had and now I'm rambling and she's probably going to read this and be pissed off so I'll shut up... but hey that's the way of life, right? I'll live ;) I always do. So yeah! Enjoy! Hope you hang out, maybe I'll start updating again now that I can at least imagine people enjoy my crap ;)
--Honestly, I don't whine that much, so I don't mean to scare away ;p
Wednesday, May 1, 2002, 09:45 a.m.:
Eugh...
Since I'm home sick and bored, I decided, against my better judgement, to take the FF8 selector test that Janie had taken and put up on her blog. I got:
 | You are Ellone! Good-hearted and self-sacrificing,
people often see you as what you are instead of who
you are. You have special talents others envy, but
those who take the time to know the real you will
see you for the sweetheart that you really are. Take the Final Fantasy 8 Test here! |
*sigh*
Determined that there was something wrong, I went back to the test, took it again, thought long and hard about the questions...decided what was and was not important, finished, and this time I got...
| You are Ellone! Good-hearted and self-sacrificing,
people often see you as what you are instead of who
you are. You have special talents others envy, but
those who take the time to know the real you will
see you for the sweetheart that you really are. Take the Final Fantasy 8 Test here! |
So I took it again, and switched a few of the answers that I had previously that I was kind of on the fence on, like if it was a yes it didn't really matter, but a no it did a lot kind of thing and I got:
 | You are Laguna! Although you're way too shy with the
opposite sex, you've got a heart of pure gold. You're a good
leader and well liked by those who know you. Most of your
friends look to your good sense when they need advice. Take the Final Fantasy 8 Test here! |
That'll do. Anyway, I'm afraid to take it again, because I'd probably get Rinoa...*grumble*
--Stupid personality tests.
Wednesday, April 24, 2002, 08:37 p.m.:
I miss...
I miss Atari time, waking up in the morning on a saturday or sunday and dancing from my room to the dinning room where the atari was hooked up, chanting 'atari time' to no one, plugging a cartridge in, and being amazed that no matter how many monsters I was able to blow up with my one button and joystick, new ones would always come, and no matter how many games I was able to get bored with, new ones would always come. I miss being excited by that.
I miss Justin McArthur, I miss sitting under the slide with him at recess making up far-fetched stories that only kids in 1st grade could make up, and making up games that involved 5 balls, and teams of 4 boys and 2 girls. I miss being seperated from sitting next to him in class because we wouldn't pay attention. I miss having someone that shared in my fantasy.
I miss Devon Banks. I miss thinking about her, and smiling. I miss the small notes that I would get from her friends during class, asking me to meet her somewhere after school. I miss feeling nervous, and getting butterflies in my stomach when I'd hear her say that she liked me, and that she'd like to 'go' with me. I miss first love.
I miss Justin Kanner. I miss his hopeful awkwardness. I miss his nervous laugh when he'd try to get a joke. I miss hanging out at his house and playing pool on his pool table. I miss his Barmistva, and the mood it set. I miss being his friend.
I miss Justin Collins. I miss hearing him go on about what he was doing in stage crew, or how the lighting was going with the show. I miss hearing him plan things to do with his girlfriend, Meg, like the picnic, and then hearing about how well it went off.
I miss Augi Sanchez. I miss listening to him play the guitar like he was breathing. I miss reading his odd poetry written just to be written. I miss flying camel kung fu with Jim.
I miss Jim Patt. I miss him sitting on the table while we ate lunch, stealing snacks. I miss the chewy noise. I miss Yuckity Yuck. I miss wuhzunk pants, and the action hat.
I miss Richard Kwok. I miss hearing him talk about comic books and about him talking about a comic he wanted to make. I miss him drawing sketches of people for the comic. I miss hearing him talk about whatever show he was in, or about working at PetCo.
I miss James Walters. I miss him talking about his car. I miss him talking about his girlfriends. I miss gloating over Richard for having Jenn 'choose' him. I miss him yelling and breaking things over peoples heads.
I miss BrightAngel. I miss playing dance dance with her everyday after school, and then afterwards sitting outside the arcade and just listening to her talk. I miss hearing her talk about such and such anime and so and so fanfiction. I miss hearing about her having fun.
I miss Michelle Meyer. I miss her smell. I miss her warmth. I miss her uncertainty. I miss the hope she had for the future, and the faith she placed in people. I miss her breath against my skin after prom. I miss holding her and having her hold me. I miss the feel of her head on my shoulder. I miss the taste of her breath. I miss the sound of her voice, and the way she walked.
I miss IchiJoe[:x] and Shidiawa[:x]. I miss the fun I'd have running around a level with them, getting my ass kicked. I miss being pulled aside by Joe and shown a certain trick, or having a certain skill worked. I miss playing as a team with them in a match, and the joy of winning and having my name part of the screenshot which declared that victory. I miss camping the rocket launcher in The Abandoned Base, and holding it for my team, watching my watch as I timed the Quad.
I miss Everquest. I miss the relationships I built there, and what they meant to me. I miss sitting around, late at night, with 5 other people, in a room, making jokes and telling stories while we waited for a monster to spawn. I miss being awarded an item from the group without having to random. I miss being able to give directions from anywhere in the world to anywhere else, with detailed landmarks. I miss caring about my obligations to the relationships I had in the game.
I miss Christa. I miss my little Aowy that I'd have to kiss to make her feel better. I miss naming snow leoperds with her, this one's spotty, that's Chester, and feeling bad when we killed them. I miss being important to her, and spending time with her. I miss talking to her on the phone, gossiping about other people in everquest.
I miss Megan. I miss what she was able to show me. I miss what I experianced while I was with her. I miss running home everyday after school, just so I could be with her, and the feeling that I'd get from knowing she did the same. I miss her fashion sense, I miss the simple warmth and comfort that she would give off, just by being near her. I miss hearing her talk about her boyfriends, and about her life. I miss her fear in what the world held for her. I miss her hope for what would come when those fears were met.
I miss Brian. I miss what he meant to me. I miss listening to him talk about his job making computer chips. I miss him going completly out of his way to do things for others. I miss hearing about how he would drop his camp and go out to the middle of nowhere to camp the AC spawn with someone very special to him. I miss dropping everything to go help him.
I miss Chris Sanders. I miss arguing with him about what was better, Genesis or Super Nintendo. I miss falling asleep to the sound of his controller. I miss the fun he'd have watching stupid kung fu movies. I miss being Tails. I miss the side of him that didn't worry about the future.
I miss having trust that I can talk with people about myself. I miss not having secrets that I'm ashamed of. I miss having hopes and dreams. I miss believing in love. I miss not hating myself. I miss not feeling alone. I miss being hugged. I miss feeling important. I miss having people that aren't ashamed of me. I miss being weak. I miss feeling pain. I miss caring. I miss being addressed. I miss being noticed. I miss being included. I miss being taken seriously. I miss having people believe in me. I miss people understanding me, instead of simply being angry with me. I miss being good.
I miss wanting to live.
--
Thursday, April 4, 2002, 10:14 p.m.:
Why Video Games Suck
Alrighty, here I'm going to have do a disclaimer again, before you give me your opinion, understand that I've been playing video games for as long as I can remember. I didn't grow up with Bert and Ernie, I grew up with Spider Fighter and Space Invaders. I still remember the theme to this game called "Skateboardin'" on Atari 2600, I'd play it just for the music, simply because it was the first game I'd ever played that ~had~ music. Games today suck for basically one reason above all others. Lack of creativity. You don't really have to be creative when you can do anything you want. Back in the day a programmer had to work his ass off to make something fun in like 10k worth of space, and know what, they WERE fun. When the only thing you had to show how well you did was a high score, that score stayed with you. Phase 43 on Mario Brothers, Wave 10 in defender, these meant something, meant you had skill. "I beat final fantasy 10" big fuggin' whoop, any stooge with 50 hours of free time can beat final fantasy 10, and when you're done with it, what can you do? Nothing, that's what. Games like Pitfall, Fire, Donkey Kong, those were games that you played until you were bored with them, and that could be forever. Going for the next wave, trying to beat the high score in the arcade, it was something that people could relate to, everyone gets frustrated when the ghost routes change in pacman, and anyone you talk with that plays it can relate to that. I think that video games peaked in the 16 bit era, where programmers had plenty of space to work with, but not this infinite canvas that they have now. Ok, I'm going to be honest here...the thing that I find most lacking in this day and age is video game music... These fully orchestrated scores by famous Joe number three just don't mean anything. There are very few memorable tunes out there today. Ask anyone to hum the mario theme, and they'll know it. It's something that more than just kids can attach to also, adults remember the old games, because these new ones are too much of a pain in the ass to figure out. Remember when you just needed two buttons and a D-pad? None of this dual anolog, 4 R and L buttons crap. Jump, and snot-fireball, that's all you needed. And you know what, it worked! All this 3d crap sucks these days. Game designers have too much freedom and don't know what to do with it. I can't really remember where else I was going with this...so I'll just pop this up and if I remember anything to add, I will.
--Sorry but the Princess is in another castle.
Wednesday, April 3, 2002, 09:36 p.m.:
And away we go...
***DISCLAIMER***
Ok, first off, I'm gunna have to apologize in advance for wherever this blog goes, because I'm just going to take the chain off and let my train of thought go where it will. Here we go. Trust me, I read over this after I was done, it might be pretty damn insulting, but hey, I think it's funny, so go to hell! Hah! Nyah! *sticks out tounge*
***END DISCLAIMER***
You know the only thing scarier than dragons? Undead dragons. Yeah, because they're all "OoOoooo lookit me I'm not dead, but I am!" That kind of shit just doesn't fly in my court. Actually, no kind of shit flies in my court. What am I talking about, I don't even have a court, christ. So back to undead dragons, they're all breathing fire and causing disease, and what can stop them? More undead dragons, but good ones. Yeah right! No such thing as a good undead dragon, maybe a gay one, but that doesn't mean their good, shutup Janie.
So we've got gay undead dragons hitting on non-gay undead dragons, and where does that leave the furbys? Dead, that's where, and that's how I like my furby's, dead, lined up next to dead teletubbies. There's something that can kill undead dragons, teletubies. Not the gay ones though, they watch that crap.
Gay Undead Dragon #1: I just love that baby sun, it's so cute!"
Gay Undead Dragon #1's 'partner', Gay Undead Dragon #2: Oh it just is. Let's go wear pink socks!
So you see, and the only thing that can kill teletubbies is The Grimace. And nothing can kill The Grimace. Whatever happened to all of Ronald McDonald's cool old buddies, they're all just stupid little kids dancing around some guy with big ass red shoes. When I was young, we were taught to fear and respect big red shoes, not dance around them all happy. If we were caught doing that, we'd get sat down to watch Teletubbies. Only there were no Teletubbies around back then, so we had to sit and wait for them to be invented. I had a friend from 2nd grade who got held back for like 12 years because his parents made his sit and wait for teletubbies, it was pretty god damned amusing if I say so myself. Stupid fucker.
Not even Batman can beat The Grimace. Batman would be all "Bat-sense tingling!" and The Grimace would suplex him or some shit, then Batman would start crying like a baby and his Gay Undead Dragon life partner would have to nurse him back to health. (I bet you were wondering if those gay undead dragons were going to come back huh, well, there they are, they never go away, they're undead, stupid.) So then we'd have The Grimace waltzing around Gotham, eating free burgers and banging CatWoman because he's so manly. Ew. EW!! Oh wow I am so sorry for that image. I...I just....god I'm so sorry. I'm going to hell now, aren't I? I just like crossed some line that no mortal was ever meant to cross. I mean, The Grimace and CatWoman? Holy shit. Not even gay MacGyver fan fiction is that bad. No wait, gay MacGyver fic is pretty damn bad. God people make me sick. Goodnight.
--Ooooooh Mama Mia! dodadodadodadodadodadodon.
Tuesday, April 2, 2002, 09:29 a.m.:
Sorry/Gomen Nasai/Desole Infinement
Alright, for starters, this here blog's for Janie, anyone else here, read it if you want, but it don't have anything to do with you, and it probably won't be very interesting and/or amusing, so go away. If you don't know what this is in response to, don't worry about it, and if you do, still, don't worry about it, and if this sentance even applies to you, go away!
Dear Janie,
And I use 'dear' because I mean it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that kids are stupid little beasts that don't know better than to listen to the people they're supposed to listen to. I'm sorry that you get identified as one of your strengths, as something that you kick ass at, and not as a collection of those strengths.
I'm sorry that people seem to feel that grades are a show of how smart you are, not just how well you worked the school system, and that people judge you using them as their base. If I'm pushing or pulling or nudging or threatening, then I'm sorry.
I'm sorry if I make you feel like your intrests are an inconvenience to me, because they aren't, with who else could I make up 'sexies' rules for triple-triad, and have them find that amusing? I'm sorry I make jokes at your expense, I'll try to be better about that. I'm sorry that I seem to demand your time, even though I know you don't have enough of it to go around. I'm sorry that I can't share you intrests, and I'm sorry that I feel you think less of me, simply because you think more of someone else, because I do understand that it's not like you have some number of likage points, and I'm not getting some because other people are getting more.
I'm sorry that you don't seem to be enjoying just making things for yourself, because if you don't start out by simply trying to make yourself happy, you'll never be happy...because people are fickle and selfish and will always look to themselves first, so if you try to write for others and find your hapiness as a reflection of their good will towards your work, they will unfortunetly find something else, this is what I've learned. I'm sorry that you think your characters in your stories will never come to fruition, because I'm sure you've given them, already, more than they ever had, and if they could, I'm sure they'd be very thankful of you for that.
I'm sorry that your income depends on singing towards someone else's happiness or despair, if I could give you my job, I would. I'm sorry I don't think you can be an adult because sometimes you like to act like a child, I'll work on that too.
I'm sorry you have to cry.
If you ever need a hug, or a shoulder to cry on, I'm always here for you, even if I don't seem like it, even if I'm probably not the person you want a hug from, hell, if you need a hug that bad drive on down to Mervyn's while I'm on shift, I'll just call a guest first and see if I can help.
I'm sorry that this probably hasn't done much to cheer you up either...uh...wuuzole wozzle? Bucka Bucka? Sorry...
--I thought I told the rest of you stooges to stop reading.
Monday, April 1, 2002, 09:51 p.m.:
Half-assed Job
Hey gang, just got something I pulled out of this D&D game I'm playing, yeah, shutup...I thought I told you to shutup it's fun ok! *turns around* Don't worry guys, their words can't hurt you, you have Magic Missles! Go you! *cough* Anyway, yeah, this is a neat riddle, given by a guy stuck in a rock that wants out, of course
A quest for love
Ends with me
Yet I am made
Endlessly
If I drop
I say my name
If I touch rock
Freedom gain
The last two lines only have to do with the game, I left them in to keep the rhyme 'cause it sounded neat, good luck figuring it out ;)
Oh and here's something for Richard and anyone else that wants a new mac; Your Free IMac
It's tons of fun for the whole family!
--This is Captain B signing off.
Monday, April 1, 2002, 10:24 a.m.:
Newgrounds Monday
Hey hey all, looks like it's that time again, yeaup, lazy time! And I'm not even going to give you a couple of different ones with reviews, I'm just going to give this
Soft Outer Crust
So this is a link to a series page, so it's like,what...7 links in one! Lookit that good use of energy, yeah this is pretty funny shit, so go watch, and leave me alone!
--Yeah go put a cork in it
Sunday, March 31, 2002, 10:23 p.m.:
Oh my god! Sweet Jesus in the morning!
I want this so bad. If anyone wants to donate like $11,000, I'd love them forever. And it'd make a fun roadtrip! C'mon, someone wants to...no? eh, you guys are dicks, all I want is a measly $11,000, hey I'll put in a good word with the guy upstairs! Me and him are like this *does that stupid thing where someone twines their two fingers together*. Please?
--I want it I want it I want it I want it
Sunday, March 31, 2002, 09:33 a.m.:
Why Jesus Hates You
Happy Easter everyone! Woohoo what better way to celebrate the resurection of some shmoe called Heyseuss than chocolate! Hell, what better way to celebrate anything than chocolate. But since I'm sure most of you are un-educated, or at least just stupid, I'm going to tell you the story of Jesus and the Easter Bunny.
Jesus and the Easter Bunny.
By: Brian Williams
Once upon a time there was a crazy little boy called Jesus. He was the son of a man named Joseph, and a lady named Mary, who would never sleep with her husband because she had had it with God and what man could be man enough to follow that. So poor Joseph had to find solace in other places, like drugs, and foxy boxing at the temple. He would bring his young son Jesus down to the temple every sunday afternoon to watch the foxy boxing, and to tell his son what a slut his mother was. Jesus liked this. One day, he snuck into his dad's private stash and got the notion that he was the son of God, not only that, but he was God himself! So he thought he was the son of himself...whatever. He told his dad this, and his dad being the stupid uneducated carpenter from way back when that he was believed him. "YOU'RE the God that shut down shop and the Mary-sex o'matic!? I'll kill you!" and he did! Poor little Jesus got beat within an inch of his life and buried under the house when he was twelve years old. Poor Jesus lay there, dead, for the next 300 years. Then one day he was awoken by a quiet sound, "Jesus, wake up, wake up Jesus..." he slowly opened his eyes, catching the faint scent of chocolate in the air. Leaning over him was a small, furry fellow, with a festive pastel green scarf and no pants. And he had giant white ears! "You're a strange looking fellow." Jesus told him, trying to sit up. "I'm the easter bunny Jesus! I come to bring you chocolate and painted eggs and freedom!" And fancy super hero music started playing and the easter bunny lept straight up, blasting through the floor of Jesus' house and out the ceiling, flying away, never to be seen again, until the end of the story. Jesus staggered out of the rubble, now a 30 year old man, and decided it was time to kick ass, Rambo style. His first target was the temple, where his fathers beloved foxy boxing took place. He went into a frenzy! Using his special mexican barrage attack he started kicking over tables and smashing heads and tearing the wings off of doves and eating candles like they were candy candles. This pissed of John Q. Roman, who was there for the foxy boxing and was hoping to have a candy candle for himself, so he went crying like a little baby, as Romans are prone to do, to Pontious, and Pontious, who liked his foxy boxing foxy, got pissed too, so he came stomping down the temple and had Jesus hauled away. While Jesus was in prison, Santa Claus came to his cell and laughed at him, saying that he would rule the world someday. Jesus gave him the finger and said "Fuck off you fat piece of shit, when I die and get ressureccted, I'm gunna kick your ass so hard, your grandchildren will feel it!" So to make a long story short, Jesus has 12 apostles, and liked his wine a little to much, and then was sentenced to crusifixion. They gave him one of those burger king crowns and nailed him up on the cross, and as he hung there, waiting to die so he could come back and kick some serious ass, the easter bunny came again. The easter bunny hovered beside him and said, "Jesus, I give to you this magical easter bunny egg, eat it, and you will be given another chance at life, 2 or 3 days after you die..." So Jesus did, because he had said a lot of crazy shit, and wasn't too sure about this whole son of god thing he had been saying all this time and didn't want to go to hell. And so he died, and then on easter sunday he came back! But since he knew he was going to get into heaven anyway, and because there wasn't any cable T.V back then, he decided to spook out his friends and then head on back up to the big easter egg hunt in the sky. And that, my friends, is why every easter, children search for easter eggs.
I'm going to hell for that bit, and you're all coming with me. "But Jesus, we didn't think it was funny!"
"Yeah fuck you! Straight to hell! And not the fun, hard rock kind of hell either, you get to go to jagged metal cherri-o hell!"
--Jesus must be rolling over on his cross right now.
Saturday, March 30, 2002, 11:44 a.m.:
My Life, according to The Game of Life
Day One: Hop in blue mini-van parents gave me, head off to college, have to take out a $40,000 loan from the bank to get there, but make $5,000 on a part time job.
Day Two: Decide to study abroad for some reason, hope it'll get me graduated quicker, luckily it doesn't cost me a red cent
Day Three: Get caught speeding, costs me $5,000, stupid cops, but I graduated today, only took me three days and I got to study abroad, go me! With my fancy college degree I took up a career as a...salesperson...getting paid $80,000, that's not to bad.
Day Four: Caught speeding again, another $5,000, I wish the cops would lay off me and my hot rod blue mini-van for a second and just eat their stupid doughnuts, but I got paid twice, the popped a tire, so I had to pull over and get that fixed, paid off my school loan with my payday
Total:$110,000, not to bad for the first day out of school I'd say, go me!
Day Five: Fell in love today, saw a woman at the chapel on the side of the road, decided to marry her, hope my parents are ok with that, also decided to go to night school, was able to change career to doctor, making $100,000 each payday, the doctor of what, I don't know, but I only needed three days and one night of schooling for it, so I'll take it.
Day Six: Got paid today, but had to go visit inlaws, have no idea what language they speak, swapanese or something, they didn't seem to like me much I think, what with the shotguns and knives, decided to sneak out in the middle of the night, had to drug my wife to get her in the car, we're so in love, go me!
Day Seven: Bought a house today, it's pretty nice, two stories, two bath, two car garage, only set me back $180,000, no problem, what being a three and a half day doctor and all, wife made me pull over the car, said she was sick, walked out on the side of the road and squatted out a baby boy...starting to wonder how committed she is to me and our marriage, had to pay $5,000 to furnish the bastard kid's room.
Day Eight: Wife makes me pull over again, squats out a baby girl this time, really starting to wonder where she's been, and who she's been with, I shouldn't be having asian children...
Day Nine: Kids got sick, but luckily I'm a three and a half day doctor and was able to cure them, free of charge, payday too!
Total:$215,000, go me!
Day Ten: Nothing to report, made another $100,000 today but that's about it
Day Eleven: Fell out of the car while taking a turn to sharp, wife tried to drive away without me but I was able to drag one of he bastard kids out with me as I went so she had to stop, starting to have serious doubts about how commited she is to us as a family.
Day Twelve: Nothing to report, Life can be so boring sometimes, but hey,
Total: $615,000, go me!
Day Thirteen: Adopted twins today, hopefully they'll follow the subliminal tapes that I'm going to be putting on them at night and kill my wife's bastard children, then we can be a happy family again.
Day Fourteen: Donated $25,000 to an art institute, I am SO getting into heaven, go me!
Day Fifteen: On a brighter note, I won a Nobel Prize, probably for patience, driving around in a blue mini-van with 4 screaming kids and a wife who speaks a language I can't understand, twins still haven't killed bastard children.
Day Sixteen: Cops pulled me over for speeding again. Assholes. Had a mid-life crises, couldn't take being a doctor, all the helping people was just too much, had to get a new career, I'm a country singer now, making $30,000! Go me!
Day Seventeen: Got my first paycheck as a country singer today, wish I was a doctor again. Decided to help the homeless today, by running them off the road, dangerous place to be, in the road, without a home.
Day Eighteen: Twins still haven't killed bastard children, put a plastic bag over wife's head while she was asleep, but was able to claw her way out, told her it was a sign of love from where I came from, think she's getting suspicious though.
Day Ninteen: Caught speeding again, was able to steal the officer's pistol while he wasn't looking though, going to give it to one of the twins and have them play water guns with the bastard children.
Day Twenty: Planted a tree.
Day Twenty One: Decided to have a web site designed in my image, so that the whole world can know who I am, and so I can write about my life to people that don't really care, god I'm going to kill my wife.
Day Twenty Two: Decided to retire today, left my wife and kids on the side of the road and sped off without them, changed the locks on our house so, even if they are able to walk home, can't get in. Decided to reflect on my life; While I was driving around in my car I was able to get the Humanitarian award for inventing a new Ice Cream Flavor which ended up Saving an Endagered Species, doing that I made $250,000. Also recieved a lifetime achievment award for discovering a new planet, planet planetor, for composing a symphony, planetor's sympony number 3, and for desiging a new computer, I call it the anti-mac, it finds any mac computer within a 3 mile radius, and shoots it, and for getting a pulitzer prize for my novel, Why I'm Better Than You, for all this, I made $600,000. I also was able to open a health food chain that provided a solution to pollution, made $350,000 for that. Total cash I made in my lifetime: $2,600,000, go me!
--I hope my wife and bastard children are dead.
Wednesday, March 27, 2002, 09:10 p.m.:
Let's get ready to rrrrumble!
Go to your local toy store, be it Toy's R Us, Kay-bee, or whatever else, and look at the selection. Crappy cartoon figures, sub-par comic figures, stupid pokemon things, rescue heros, those big constipated looking G.I. Joes. What's the one thing they all have in common? They ALL get their asses kicked by one entity. It's...it's like 2/3's of the holy trinity, these two warriors, endlessly waging battle in their yellow plastic ring. Throwing a blaze of punches against each other, taking endless punishment. Yes, my friends, I speak of Rock'm Sock'm Robots. I mean, c'mon, they fuckin' rule! What better game then mindless slamming buttons and wiggling a controller until your opponent's head shoots up?! None of these other toys can stand up! With just one punch, a Rock'm Sock'm Robot can floor any Metal Gear figure, any Spider Man figure, any Rainbow Bright figure, and face it, those Rainbow Bright ladies are hardcore. I'd like to see anyone else dress and talk and walk through rainbows like that, not knowing how to kick an ass or two. Well, except for maybe Strawberry Shortcake...but she's got me under a restraining order and I'm not allowed to go within 100 feet of her or I'll get thrown in jail again, and I'd rather not spend another year in a cell with Vulcan Raven...*shudder*. Even the smurf mounted calvery, atop their glorious My Little Pony steeds couldn't put a dent in the endless fury that is Rock'm Sock'm Robots. I recall the great Rock'm War or '76. The Smurf calvary had them boxed between a force of 700,000 and the ocean, where the Snork navy lay in wait. Two Rock'm Sock'm Robots, with nothing but their courage and giant plastic fists, broke the smurf line and delt a crushing blow to their leader, Herr Papa Smurf. If it wasn't for those heros who gave their lives for our freedom, we'd all be speaking smurfese right now, under Papa Smurf's iron fist. And I'll have you know Rock'm Sock'm Robots were the first toys in space! When G.I. Joes were still trying to understand how the magnifying glass principle worked, and why it was able to claim so many lives, while the scientists of the Barbie nation were trying to solve the problem of Big Brother and the Microwave, Rock'm Sock'm Robots were setting foot on the moon, establishing the first Rock'm Sock'm Robot colony on the moon, which has grown to over 7000 in the 20 years they have been colonizing it. The main export of the Rock'm Sock'm moon nation is astronaut ice cream, I mean, who do you think makes it? Astronauts? Not likly, they spend all their time worrying about crapping in zero-g, now there's an adventure I'd rather not take. I'm quite comfortable with the accepted straight downward flight you get here on earth, thank you very much.
--Brought to you buy people that love rock'm sock'm robots. And grants from viewers like you.
Tuesday, March 26, 2002, 07:27 p.m.:
The First Annual One Million Kills Extravaganza Show Special!
Hey hey hey Hey! Look what I did! Scroll down the page, on the right, along the side...keep going, it's probably not done loading yet..almost...there! See it? That's how many kills I got! 1,000,000 and 2. The two came from a server burp was trying to 1 million even, but oh well, I'll take the two. That's all I have to say, have a nice day.
--My other car is a shotgun
Monday, March 25, 2002, 10:35 a.m.:
Newgrounds Monday!
Howdy folks, since I'm too lazy to come up with anything myself, I'm just going to give you links to flash movies on Newgrounds that I find particularly amusing, and hope you will to, but don't take my word for it *dun nun DUN* And be patient because Newgrounds is...slow sometimes. It'll be worth it though, trust me.
Beebo, the cat what has facial hair
It's a tale about a man and his cat, and their confrontation with a problem that plauges much of America today, smoking. The cat has a problem, and the man, through caring and love, helps him to quit. A must watch family movie. A soundbite from the show which portrays such care...such love...you just have to read it, Man to cat: "I see you smoking again, I shoot you in the face" Beautiful, simply beautiful.
DFL: ChocoChip Cookies
If you like cooking, and I know you do, and if you like eating, and everyone does, and if you like watching octopi do the cooking while confronting their childhood fear of mixing machines, and who the hell doesn't, then this is a movie for you! And the recipe it gives really works, the cookies are, as they say in france, DE-lish!
We Are Robots: AngryBot
It's about a robot. A robot programmed to do one thing: Be angry. How'd you guess? The movie is done in an interview stlye, AngryBot talking about himself, and why he thinks everyone's so stupid. "Most people think, 'AngryBot, yeah, that guy's such a jerk' but what they don't understand is that if maybe they'd just stop breathing and die I wouldn't be so angry all the time!" Watch, I command you! Also, when you're done with this one, go through the whole series, there's 4 others and they're ~all~ wonderful. Especially Keg-O-Matic "Dude I kick so much ass my foot hurts...from kicking ass...y'know with my foot, ah nevermind"
Well, that does it for this week's edition of Newgrounds Monday, take it easy all and I'll catch up later!
Oh and here's the real link for Keg-O-Matic, sorry about that, just couldn't resist...
--Reading Rainbow....reading rainbow...
Sunday, March 24, 2002, 09:49 p.m.:
The travesty...
Mwehehe. This bit of irrelevance is brought to you by The Pocket Assassin. Don't blame Brian, he's at work.
On the topic of games... I am saddened by the current state of affairs. I went to Best Buy the other weekend, and what did I see? Sonic the Hedgehog.......... on Game Boy Advance.(Note from Brian: Seeing the Sega logo on my GameBoy Advance nearly brought a tear to my eye, it was so...beautiful. I only wish they had gotten the sega sound thing on it too). Tonight I saw a commercial (albeit a cute one, I'd never seen a real hedgehog) for Sonic Adventure 2: Battle on Gamebcube...
Does anyone else feel betrayed? Back in the nineties, this was an epic battle, and we had to choose sides! Sega or Nintendo, Nintendo or Sega... you could not love both! (... Yes, *cough* our household had a NES, an SNES, a Genesis, a Game Boy, a Game Gear... and eventually all three of the 'Next Generation' systems, but... that's not the point. Shh. Damn you.) The point is, you still remember those commercials where Sega made fun of Gameboy (creamed spinach colour), you still remember the cracks about plumbers, the Sega Scream??? And now... now...
*sob*
Sega is developping for Nintendo!! Imagine it! It's just wrong! Mario and Sonic working at the same company! Luigi and Tails taking coffee breaks together! Robotnik babysits for Bowser.......
But what's really worst of all... If Sega was going to go under, and start just being a game developper....... Why did they have to give the one title I wanted from them to the company I bailed on?? Huh?? I said it was over after the N64 fiasco! Brand loyalty was shot. Now Square's finally going to start working with Nintendo again, Sega--SEGA--is putting out Sonic games on Gamecube........ and I...... I.......... *looks hard at PS2* You won't get me to buy a Gamecube, you bastards!!
... Really, I mean it.
--Sonic Says, "No really, they've got Tails locked
in the basement, I had no choice!!"
Saturday, March 23, 2002, 11:20 p.m.:
Nintendo says:
Man I am such a sucker. I mean a grade A sucker. I went to the bank this morning, withdrew 80 dollars with two intentions: One, to go and buy Fatal Frame for ps2 for my and my friends freak out enjoyment, and two, to have money to pay Richard back for the copy of the Ah My Goddess manga, next volume. So I go to Toy's R Us, and they didn't have it, so I figured hey, I'd just live off that money for the next two weeks until my next payday and actually maybe start saving money. Then I got to thinking, I've got a Mervyn's Employee Discount card, good at all companies that belong to whatever parent company Mervyn's belongs to. Target is one of those. Target sells video games. I could go there and get it and get a 10% discount. So I truck on over to Target. They don't have it. But they have Super Mario Advance 2; Super Mario World(the SNES one) which I had been thinking about buying. And it was only 27 dollars, and with my discount, I'd get a game to play, and I'd be ahead in the money still, right? Oh course not. On my way out I stopped at the Target's food court thing and ordered a pizza, sat down, unwrapped my game, and starting reading the instructions. Super Mario Advance 2 has the original Mario Bros. game on it, just like Super Mario Advance 1 had, you know the one where you hit the guys underneath and then kick them off, the one that was the battle mode in Mario Bros. 3? And you can multi link for battle mode with only one game pak! Awsome! And there's also, for single player playing, the original game to play, and with multi-pak(having more than one) you can play two players cooperative original Mario Bros. And then I read the fine print: "Compatible with Super Mario Advance game pak". "What's this" I think. So I can link Super Mario Advance 1, and Super Mario Advance 2, and play cooperative original Mario Bros. Just as if I had two of the same game. So if I went and bought the first one, it'd be like buying two games! And hey, it's only $24, and hey I've got my 10% discount, why not get it while I'm here. So I did. But hey, now I've got Super Mario World, and Super Mario Bros. 2 on my gameboy advance, and a cooperative game to play with my buddies. Or hey, something to do together on the ride down to AnimeExpo this year! Look at me rationalize my purchase of these two games, and note, I spent just as much money as I orignally had planned too, even though half of what made me buy Super Mario Advance 2 was that I'd be ahead on the money. I'm such a sucker.
--Nintendo says "Assume the position!"
Saturday, March 23, 2002, 12:02 p.m.:
Brian at the Movies
Hey gang, forgot to mention we all went and saw Ice Age yesterday too. Go see it! It's got a mammoth that looks like Ray Romano, and a sloth that looks like John Leguzamo(wow I hope I spelled that right...). The animation's great, the humor's great, and it's got homosexual rhinos! C'mon you know you want to see it now, what could be better than two gay rhino's taking about salad and sitting in hot tubs? Nothing! That's what, absolutly nothing. A bit from the movie: Got the mammoth and the sloth they just found this human baby that the sabertooth tiger leader wants for revenge 'cause humans are killing tigers. So the lady escapes with the baby but gets killed gives the baby to the mammoth and sloth, mammoth wants nothing to do with it, sloth says let's take it to the village, mammoth says good luck, tiger comes down says to give him the baby he'll take it back, mammoth says get lost, tiger says "Ok now I understand that you guys would want to adopt since you aren't able to have one of your own, but let's be resonable here". And it's got all sorts of well done slapstick stuff, animated movies are wonderful. I love children's movies. So in closing, see Ice Age! That is all, now I gotta go hop in the shower and get ready for work, so y'all have a good one.
--This space for rent
Friday, March 22, 2002, 09:29 p.m.:
*sigh*
Well, today was Friday, payday. Got a decent check...worked a bunch of hours for it. And I got to find out what my raise was today. I've missed two days I was scheduled to work: both in my first month of work, Christmas season. I missed one day because the breaks in my car were shot and I wouldn't have been able to get home from work at 11 at night, and the other because it was the day after Christmas, and I wanted the day off. So I've had one day off for pleasure purposes. Other than that? Perfect attendance. Never late. Never leave early. Never take breaks longer than I'm supposed to. Never come back from my lunch late. Why? Because there's other people in the store and in my department that depend on me, and if I say I'm taking an hour lunch, a fifteen minute break, then I'm taking an hour lunch, or a fifteen minute break. I've had just about every head person in the store tell me I'm doing a great job, that they're happy with my performance. I'm always nice and smiling at work, I'm always pleasent to customers, I'm helpful, I go to other departments if they have a long line and my department's dead. I even screw a decent number of people in those credit acccounts. My boss told me "You're so commited Brian, I love that". To toot my own horn I'm painfully reliable. And what do I get? A forty cent raise. *sigh* Way to make me feel appreciated Mervyn's. I'm so...so...unhappy now. But of course that was just a 90 day bump in pay, not a real raise, they say I'll get one based on performance whenever. Still not happy. Just once I'd like to do something, or be in a situation where I feel appriciated, and not just used. And I have to get up tommorow and work 8 hours. Then work 8 more on sunday. I miss having time to myself.
--I think I need a hug.
Friday, March 22, 2002, 07:18 a.m.:
Happy Birthday Dad!
Yeah it's my dad's birthday! No one thought he'd do it, but he's outlived both the dinosaurs AND that crazy guy that lives down the street and doesn't know how to shave. For that dad, I salute you. *salute* Everyone Email him(just click on 'email him' and it'll give you the mail to thing) and wish him a happy B-day! Yeah I know you won't, bums.
--now let's hope he doesn't notice I didn't get him anything other than a card ;) er, I mean, Happy Birthday Dad!
Thursday, March 21, 2002, 09:49 p.m.:
Simple Math
Here's some simple math for you all. Ok, first off, where do I work? Mervyn's, yes. Ok, what does Mervyn's sell? Clothes, yes. New or Used clothes? New, yes. So, if a=b=c, than a=c, My work smells like New clothes, yes. So if a=b, than it is true that b=a, than NEW CLOTHES SMELL LIKE MY WORK! I can NEVER have that wonderful new clothe smell again *cry*. I'll buy a shirt and I'll take it home and it'll make my room smell like WORK! LIKE WORK!! I'll wake up in the middle of the night and start folding clothes in my sleep! I'll get up in the morning and there will be perfectly folded jeans and slacks all over my room! Even pairs that I don't own, it'll be my Dad's, I'll even go upstairs and break into my brother's house to steal his pants to fold in my sleep! I hate my job.
--and I hate the music they play in my store also.
Thursday, March 21, 2002, 11:44 a.m.:
A guy named...Corn.
Sometimes, just sometimes, Janie scares the fuckin' beejezus out of me. Talking about feeding pigs bacon turns into talking about feeding chickens chicken, turns into talking about how foster farms has "Corn Fed" chickens. To which Janie says "Pfft right, I bet they just have a guy named Corn in their feeding department for liability purposes." And proceeds to laugh at herself for 5 minutes at the concept of a person named Corn. Named Corn! Fuckin' A! Corn for Christ's sake! "Well it would suck to be named Corn"...no shit. Wow, yeah, she's the genius ain't she? Gunna have her nobel prize winning world shattering thesis on 'people named Corn', it'll liberate the world! It'll feed the hungry! It'll house the homeless! It will clothe the naked and the only somewhat naked! No more naked hungry little homeless children in Africa! They'll even change the name of Africa to "No Naked Homeless Little Hungry Kids Land" or like NNHLHKL for short! People in the U.S will think it's some new kind of hockey leauge and get into bar fights over it! These not quite so hungry, not quite so naked, not quite so homeless NNHLHKL children will turn into SUPER CHILDREN what with their exposure to the sun and ability to talk with ancient African animals. We'll have a not quite so naked children on elephant back invasion! They'll blow up Kansas! Kansas!! We NEED Kansas! They'll swim to Japan and blow up the Tokyo tower, just because they saw it happen once in that anime, yeah, that one. They'll take over the world! And then they'll catapult their elephants into space and take over space too! Space will be called "New Africa" because it'll be all full of naked hungry homeless little aliens! Sweet Jesus! I have to go warn the proper authorities! Stay in your houses and turn off all your lights, you should be safe! For now...
--Brought to you by the anti-NNHLHKL coalition
Wednesday, March 20, 2002, 07:26 p.m.:
Would you like to open a Mervyn's Credit account and save 15%?
Sweet Jesus in the morning. My job is so pointless. Here, I'll let all you kiddies at home in on a little activity to do at home to act out a day at work for me. Parental Supervision a must.
Ok, first you need to find a couple shirts, a pair of jeans or two, and throw them across your room, if they're already there, great! Already done with the first step. Ok, now, pick them up and fold them neat, and then put them back down. Every 20 minutes or so, do this again. Now repeat for FOUR HOURS. Oh, and you can't sit down. And like have bums come in and ask you stupid questions like "Where are your shirts?" or "Do you guys have Levi's?" and you've pretty much got my job in a nutshell. Oh, and don't forget, ask every customer if they'd like to open a credit account so you can screw them out of a 21% rate...oh, and pay yourself 7.25 an hour, at least the pay's good right? (that was sarcasm) Yeah, I love my job.(Yeaup, more sarcasm)
ANYway, I've got a bunch of other much more interesting stories to spout about work that I'll get to one of these days I'm sure, in the meantime, have fun with that little activity, k? Oh, did I mention the part about gouging your eyes out too? Yeah, that'll put you in about the right mindset for this kind'a work :)
--Are you sure? You can save, oh, 3 whole dollars on this transaction!
Tuesday, March 19, 2002, 10:02 p.m.:
Elysaar is great...she gives me chocolate cake...
I hearby proclaim this blog: OPEN! *hacks through red ribbon with a chainsaw, throws it offscreen, screams heard* Yeah hey how's it going, sit down, get comfortable, this is going to be...I said SIT DOWN! Christ...Thank you, that wasn't so hard was it.
Yeah so now I can be all whiney and obnoxious on my own time! Isn't that nice :> Ok, well, now I've gotta do what I've gotta do.
*sung to the original mario brothers song, c'mon you all know it, if not, join my mailing list! (see sidebar) [end plug]*
do do do do do do, do, El y saar, made me a blog, and it is really neat and I like it, I can write, all of the time, and it is really neat and I like it, Elysaar has crazy mad layout skizzles, Elysaar's the best, yes she is, I say, and now that I have a blog all to my self, it's her fault. yes it is.
I'd go on, but this is harder than I thought it'd be
--This entry brought to you by the letter Q and the number Elephant
Monday, February 25, 2002, 10:12 p.m.:
Testing testing, one...two
Hey hey, lookit what I got, eat your heart out Janie nyah! Yeah so well, I got a blog, woohoo yay me, even more the dork now, sweet. Yeah, well, let's see if this works, if it does, I'll put something real up, and I apologize for the oogly-ness of the place...
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